


Regret

by MarbleHornet9



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Alex Kralie - Freeform, Alex kills Tim, Alex survives, Anxiety, Depressive Thoughts, Entry 86, Entry 87, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, Swearing, hoo boy, nothing is fine though, reverse au, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 12:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4961494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarbleHornet9/pseuds/MarbleHornet9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He'd done it.<br/>He'd finally fucking done it.<br/>...<br/>So why didn't he feel anything?"</p>
<p>An AU in which Alex kills Tim in Entry 86.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings:  
> -Major character death  
> -Mentions of suicide  
> -Swearing  
> -Blood  
> -Anxiety/panic attacks

He’d done it.

He’d finally fucking done it.

…

So why didn’t he feel anything?

Wasn’t there meant to be relief?

Anger?

Happiness?

Anything?

_‘I guess that’s too much to ask for…’_ Alex thought bitterly, as he fiddled with the blood-coated knife in his hand. It was disgusting really, but Alex didn’t register it- The feeling of blood was so normal now. Long gone were the times when he’d run to a bathroom at the slightest amount of dirt on his hands. But saying that, those times he was often flanked by Brian, laughing at him. Or Jay, yelling at him to slow down. Or Tim, reluctant, but eager to keep up.

But now, Jay was gone, wherever that thing had taken his body. Brian was, too.

And Tim… well. Tim was lying face down at Alex’s feet, neck coated in blood from the stab wound in his neck.

Alex snorted slightly, shuffling back and away from the liquid that was slowly pooling around his feet. It was done. This madness, this hell, this nightmare, was over. There would be no more cryptic messages, no more hooded people outside his window at night… 

So why didn’t he feel anything!?

He’d accomplished his goal! 

Tim was an idiot to come at Alex like he had. He was unprepared, and running purely on emotion. He wasn’t _thinking_ , and he was being so _selfish_. Couldn’t he see that Alex wasn’t doing this for his own benefit?! He was just trying to help everyone! He just wanted it all to be _over_.  
And now, it was.

Alex gripped the knife tighter, slowly raising it to his throat. What was it he’d told Tim? 

“If there’s someone left, you have to kill them, then yourself!” He’d snarled, before Tim ran at him and Alex wrangled the knife out of his hands.

Alex wasn’t a liar.

So why was he hesitating?

He’d just killed his friends, one of which was at his feet, lifeless. He had to go through with this.

The blade pressed against his throat, still warm from Tim’s blood. He could imagine it now, just a jerk of his arm and it would all be over, he’d finally be free. 

So why couldn’t he do it?!

_Why couldn’t he do it?!_

Alex didn’t know how it happened, or when, but suddenly he was on the ground, leaning against the railing, hugging his knees and bawling his eyes out. This was wrong. This was all wrong! He was meant to be happy! Relieved! But no, all he could feel was a sense of overwhelming sadness, loneliness. He couldn’t do it. He could kill his friends, ruin them, hunt them down for years- But he couldn’t finish it off. It wasn’t over. It would _never_ be over. 

Desperately rubbing his shaking hands up and down his legs, trying to take his mind off the pain and focus on the denim material under his fingertips, like Tim used to when he was stressed. Stressed, and scared, like he was right before Alex plunged the blade into his neck-

_“No!”_ Alex screeched, closing his eyes tightly and covering his ears. “Why!? Why, why, _why!?_ I don’t understand! _I don’t understand!_ I’m not a monster! I’m not! _I’m not!_ ”  
The pain was overwhelming. He could end it all, so easily, the knife was where he’d dropped it- a few feet away, the blood coagulated. It would be quick, and the pain would be gone. So why couldn’t he bring himself to do it?! Why was he so scared?! Is it because, he thought, he would be sent to hell? Didn’t he once consider what he was going through as hell? Didn’t he say to himself, every night, in front of a mirror- “Eliminate the infection. You are a part of the infection. You have to go through with this. For everyone.”

The thought made Alex laugh- A strange sound, which sounded more like a wounded animal crying for help. Tim and Jay, they had each other. They could lean on one another. Alex… Alex had nobody but himself. 

His laughter turned into gross sobbing, punctured by occasional gasps for air. There was blood smeared on his face from when he grabbed and tore at his hair, he could smell it- metallic and too familiar for his own liking. Darting his tongue out to dampen his drying lips, he retched in disgust at the taste of the substance. Nothing came up, he hadn’t eaten in a few days, since he was too busy planning... Alex gasped for air loudly, going back to tearing at his hair. He couldn’t breathe, the stench was too overpowering, he couldn’t see anything but the red all over the floor, Tim’s lifeless body, limp, slowly going cold, a bit of warmth still lingering but it would be gone soon and Alex’s whole world was spinning as he stood up, he couldn’t breathe, oh god he _couldn’t breathe_ \- He collapsed, on the stairs, unable to stay awake any longer.

-

Driving. Driving was… Good. Sort of. As long as his thoughts didn’t wander too far, Alex found that he could pretend that things were okay. Driving didn’t change, it was constant. His face expressionless, stubble on his unshaven face. It was amazing how much he’d changed over those five years- He was no longer a scrawny film student- He looked like someone who had seen a lot. Which, in some ways, he had. He’d been through more than what anyone should have ever gone through in their entire lifetime. 

He’d woken up on the stairwell at around one in the morning, and staggered back to his hotel room, getting into the shower and scrubbing until his skin was sore. He’d picked at his nails until they were barely there, trying to get the stubborn dried blood out from underneath them. Limping out of the small bathroom, he sunk onto the bed, and fell asleep. His dreams were feverish, filled with images of bloodstains and bullet wounds… When he awoke that morning, he felt more exhausted than he did the night before. He didn’t feel the need to rip out his hair or scratch his eyes out, though, which was an improvement. Alex would have preferred something different to the numbness that coursed around his body, but he wasn’t really in any position to complain. 

Before getting into his car, he’d looked into the mirror. The man looking back at him was almost unrecognisable- When was the last time he’d had time to do this? He still looked dreadful, black rings around his eyes from sleepless nights, bruises dotting his face from yesterday’s fight, and numerous scars from god knows what. But he was… Alive.  
“Are you really though?” He’d asked his reflection, voice hoarse. “You survived, but… Did you live?”

His reflection echoed the question, looking at Alex expectantly. Alex sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know. I just don’t know…”

He’d found a camera, too. It had run out of battery by the time Alex had woken up, but he took it anyway, loading it onto his computer. It was Tim’s- Or maybe it was originally Jay’s, Alex didn’t know- and in included footage of him driving, then confronting Alex… He couldn’t bring himself to watch that part. He didn’t want to see the monster he looked like. He flinched, screwing his eyes tightly shut when he heard Tim’s cry of pain, followed a while after by his own sharp sobbing. Even though it had all happened not even twelve hours ago, it felt like a lifetime. 

Alex had also checked the last upload on the Marble Hornets YouTube channel- He couldn’t just leave so many people hanging, it wouldn’t be professional. Funny- he was okay with killing his friends, but not with leaving a project unattended. Maybe he really was a monster. 

He’d hurriedly spliced up some footage of Tim driving, making it look like he was heading away from all this mess, and not towards his death. He didn’t want to upload the real footage- Call it selfish, but Alex couldn’t do it. Maybe if he believed this ending hard enough, it would become the truth. The most difficult thing he faced, was trying to think of something believable that Tim would say. Alex used to be able to slip into another person’s skin so easily, and write things from their perspective- But people were so confusing now. Half the time he didn’t even understand himself. He eventually settled on a simple phrase.

Alex flicked his indicator on, he was at a crossroads. _‘How symbolic,’_ He thought, dully, as he turned his steering wheel.

“Everything is fine.”

It worked well- After all, Tim was a liar.


End file.
